The Top 10 *Real* Reasons that I’m Leaving Microsoft

Dorothy's ruby slippers

When people leave a job, they tend to spew pablum about “new opportunities” or “spending more time with the family.” Since today is my final day as a Microsoft employee, it’s my chance to set the record straight. Here are the top ten real reasons that I’m leaving Microsoft:

  1. I’m starting a new company to build an enterprise version of Snapchat.
  2. My Microsoft active tenure rank (#63) is now lower than my ladder level.
  3. It took me a week to complete code.org’s Hour of Code.
  4. I must free myself from the tyranny of automated paper towel dispensers.
  5. The Company Store finally sold out its entire backlog of Windows for Workgroups Starter Kits.
  6. I’ve given up trying to figure out what program managers really do.
  7. I only work for CEOs who were at Microsoft when Jimmy Carter was president.
  8. Now that I qualify for AARP discounts, I no longer need the Prime Card.
  9. I can’t bear the thought of not getting a single numeric rating to represent the relative value of an entire year’s work.

And the number one real reason that I’m leaving Microsoft is:

  1. Glinda the Good Witch appeared to me and explained that I’ve had the power to leave all along.

[Updated 25-Jan-2014: Added image and link -- DG]

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