When people leave a job, they tend to spew pablum about “new opportunities” or “spending more time with the family.” Since today is my final day as a Microsoft employee, it’s my chance to set the record straight. Here are the top ten real reasons that I’m leaving Microsoft:
- I’m starting a new company to build an enterprise version of Snapchat.
- My Microsoft active tenure rank (#63) is now lower than my ladder level.
- It took me a week to complete code.org’s Hour of Code.
- I must free myself from the tyranny of automated paper towel dispensers.
- The Company Store finally sold out its entire backlog of Windows for Workgroups Starter Kits.
- I’ve given up trying to figure out what program managers really do.
- I only work for CEOs who were at Microsoft when Jimmy Carter was president.
- Now that I qualify for AARP discounts, I no longer need the Prime Card.
- I can’t bear the thought of not getting a single numeric rating to represent the relative value of an entire year’s work.
And the number one real reason that I’m leaving Microsoft is:
- Glinda the Good Witch appeared to me and explained that I’ve had the power to leave all along.
[Updated 25-Jan-2014: Added image and link — DG]